My best friend asks me advice almost every day about marriage. She asks my opinion and sometimes just needs someone to listen when she needs to let out some frustrations. I’m no expert but I’m someone who can listen and tell her, not what she wants to hear but, what I truly believe is right.
As women, we’re generally more sensitive and emotional. We want to talk it out but when it comes to my marriage, it’s the opposite. My problem used to be that I would run away, go to bed or leave the house. I’m so happy to announce that today my husband and I are able to talk it out and mend our fences before bedtime! It’s not always easy and sometimes it’s about sucking up your pride but our marriage is so much stronger because of how hard we’ve worked at it, how hard we’ve tried to understand one another and to trust each other. Now, what works for us may not work for everyone but it may help some and if anyone else has any suggestions, please feel free to check our our suggestion box!
Keeping Things Private
My husband and I keep our more important and serious discussions private. My bringing people into our private lives, we can create a bigger gap between our own thoughts and opinions and it almost always causes bigger problems. This is usually when it comes to finances or life plans.
Name Calling Is A No-No
We do not call each other names. Hurting each other and hitting below the belt can cause things to take a turn for the worse. You also feel so much more angry then when you started out. Immaturity does not make things better, I’ll tell you that right now.
Kind Words and Calm Voices
We’ve learned to talk to each other instead of yell at one another. This is extremely difficult for both of us. We grew up in homes where our parents were constantly lashing out at each other with high volumes and no limitations. We still struggle some days with this one but we’ve improved so much. We talk it out instead of talk at one another and we use kind words or terms of endearment to lessen the blow.
Think Before You Speak
This is where I struggled in the past. Today we’re both great at taking a step back and admitting to need a minute to get our own feelings in check. Breathe, think, breathe, think, then speak. It’s important to know what you need to say and how clearly it needs to be expressed.
Staying On Point
This is my husband’s weak point, in my opinion of course. He tends to stray off topic and bring up other things, either from the past or just other worries he’s kept bottled in. However, he’s gotten so much better about it and we usually stay on track just the way you should in a big argument.
Find understanding and support within yourself when your spouse is expressing concern. They will share the same understanding and support when you need it as well.
Compromise and Finish
Come to an agreement together, don’t hesitate or stray away from the issue at hand. Make sure that you’ve found a solution so that this particular topic doesn’t creep back up on the two of you when you least expect it. Have control and find middle ground.
Over the years, we all find the best ways for our marriage to grow. We find things that better ourselves and strengthen our marriage. For me, prayer is so important. I use my time with God to ask for strength and courage to get through the most difficult times. And I will tell you this. It’s taking me a long time to mature in the way I communicate with my husband and some issues are harder than others, change the name of the game, confuse us and test us. That’s where we see how far we’ve come and how much trust we can put in our spouse.
-Veronica (Please submit any suggestions, things that you’ve found to be helpful in your marriage)